


And I can tell just what you want (You don't want to be alone)

by booksandanime



Category: ANSATSU KYOUSHITSU, Assassination Classroom
Genre: "Good" and "bad", And needing something more, But luckily we have Karma, Can't be defined easily, Hopefully the latter, Karma tries to flirt, M/M, Nagisa doesn't get it, Nagisa's really insecure, Nakamura tries to help, Or help him, The difference between needing a friend, To either mess it up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 18:39:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5753977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksandanime/pseuds/booksandanime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing is, there was absolutely no guarantee that Karma wouldn't get bored with him, wouldn't leave him like he did the first time around.</p><p>Nagisa thinks that it would hurt if he lost his friend twice.</p><p>(Somewhere along the way, his friends are there to help him differentiate between "Need", "Fear", and "Love", which is a complicated process, in and out of itself.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I can tell just what you want (You don't want to be alone)

**Author's Note:**

> THE ANIME HAS A SECOND SEASON.
> 
> AND KARMAGISA STILL HASN'T HAPPENED.
> 
> THIS IS TO EXPRESS MY SADNESS THAT THE MANGA IS ENDING SOON.
> 
> Sorry if this is a little bit angsty, I needed to focus on their relationship a bit more.
> 
> (Also, to everyone who's read my first series of these two, I love your comments, and I promise I'll respond to all of them, I just need to write this first. THANK YOU SO MUCH.)
> 
> Title comes from this amazing song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpCcJY-rJSs

Nagisa knows that one way or another, Koro-sensei will be either be alive or dead, and the earth will either be safe or destroyed.  
  
He knows that the assassination plans won't last forever, and soon enough, they'll have to go their separate ways.  
  
Nagisa isn't used to things working out.  
  
He isn't used to things being permanent.  
  
He's told himself to never be dependent on anyone, because people leave.   
  
His dad left. Karma left. And even though he still sees his dad, and Karma came back, he's resigned himself to accepting the fact that everything changes sometimes.  
  
He doesn't think he minds it anymore.

But why does he feel so happy whenever Karma's around?  
  
He missed his friend, he admits that.   
  
But having him back reminds him that he's still behind Karma in every way.  
  
He's always going to be higher than him in studies, he's always going to understand things quicker, and he's probably going to be the one to kill Koro-sensei.  
  
He knows all of this, but why does it hurt so much?  
  
Whenever Karma asks him for his notes, he feels a stab of pride. He thinks it's foolish, how such a simple action could leave him smiling like this, but it does, and he is, and there's nothing he can do about it.   
  
He wonders about it, sometimes.  
  
How Karma can make him feel so many things.  
  
He thinks it has something to do with how long they've known each other, but maybe it's also because they understand each other?  
  
He doesn't understand why it makes him so happy to think that someone understands him.  
  
He thinks that he should feel ashamed, but he also thinks that it's a bit too late for that.  
  
-  
  
Hanging out with Karma is always unpredictable, mainly because the person himself is unpredictable.  
  
Nagisa never knows what Karma is going to suggest they do. He can guess of course, but where's the fun in that?  
  
That's why, when Karma asks Nagisa to read aloud from a passage in a book, Nagisa is surprised.  
  
They're standing underneath the tree, and Karma sits down, patting the space beside him.   
  
Nagisa follows him soon after, and glances at him quizzically. "Why?"  
  
"Because I'm too lazy to read it. Plus, I'm good at passive listening." Karma comments.  
  
Nagisa sighs, but he ends up reading anyway.  
  
He's aware of Karma's eyes on him, listening to his voice, but he doesn't let it faze him.  
  
All too soon, the bell's ringing, and Karma's heaving a satisfied sigh.  
  
"Well we can always continue this tomorrow, I guess. Thanks." Karma comments, and Nagisa quickly nods.  
  
"Ok."  
  
-  
  
Nagisa never knows when to take Karma seriously.  
  
The red head has a habit of joking around and teasing him, and Nagisa knows that when Karma's serious, his voice and face changes, goes a little more somber somehow.  
  
But sometimes he knows that Karma's jokes are serious too, and this is when things get difficult.  
  
"Hey, Nagisa-kun, Nakamura and I are talking about something." Karma comments.  
  
Nagisa feels a pinprick of fear. Combining these two leads to nothing good. "I don't think I want to hear about it."  
  
"Too bad. It's a serious discussion, and we really need an answer." Nakamura adds, grinning.  
  
"We were wondering." Karma begins.  
  
"Yeah?" Nagisa asks, nervously.  
  
"Do you like someone in class?" Nakamura asks.  
  
Nagisa looks on in shock. Then his face warms up "What? Of course not! Why would you think that?"  
  
"Aww, look at that, he's embarrassed!" Karma says, grinning.  
  
"Well you see, we've noticed Kayano looking at you sometimes." Nakamura says, conversationally.  
  
"We're friends!" Nagisa squeaks.  
  
Karma raises an eyebrow. "Nagisa-kun is growing up so fast."  
  
Nagisa groans. "This isn't a serious discussion."  
  
"It's serious to us." Nakamura declares.  
  
"Why?" Nagisa whines.  
  
Karma winks. "That's a secret."  
  
"I don't think I like you calling Kayano out like that. I like her. She's a great friend." Nagisa says, frowning slightly. "I'm going back."  
  
He heads back to his seat, not seeing the way Karma and Nakamura glance at each other.  
  
"You pissed him off." Nakamura comments.  
  
"I was curious." Karma comments.  
  
"I know you are." Nakamura says, sighing. "Try not to hurt him, alright?"  
  
Karma stares at the back of Nagisa's head. "I'll try."  
  
-  
  
Nagisa can't deny it; he needs help in understanding Math.  
  
He's pretty good at English, and he's doing fine in other subjects, but Math is on an entirely different level.  
  
Of course, Karma being Karma, notices this.  
  
"Need help, Nagisa-kun?" He asks.  
  
"I know the answer to this, I just need to think." Nagisa says, sighing.  
  
"Try to change your solution first, then try again." Karma notes, glancing at his paper.  
  
Nagisa frowns, stares at his solution, then inhales. "Oh."  
  
And suddenly he gets it.   
  
He's scribbling out his former solution, and rewriting the thing on another pad, and Karma is just watching him.  
  
"Thanks." Nagisa adds, wondering if this was what Karma was waiting for.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Karma start, as if he forgot that he was still standing there. "You're welcome." He replies. "If you need help, talk to me, alright?"  
  
Nagisa stares at him. Karma hasn't offered his help in so long, it's different to hear him suggest it again.  
  
But then he smiles, and nods. "Yeah."  
  
-  
  
Nagisa's noticed that Karma's starting to stare.  
  
He used to do it, even back before his suspension, but it wasn't usually this intense.   
  
Nagisa doesn't know if Karma's aware that he's doing it. He wonders if he should tell him.  
  
It's not bothering him, but it's definitely making him self-aware. Did he do something wrong? Does Karma want to tell him something? He can't really think of a reason as to why Karma would stay this silent for such a long time, not even making a joke, or breaking eye contact.  
  
It's become a habit for him.  
  
Nagisa glances at him, and is startled by the stare he receives in turn.   
  
They're in class right now, and even if Nagisa's turned to the blackboard, he can feel the intensity of Karma's gaze from where he's sitting, and he doesn't know what to do about it.  
  
Koro-sensei asks something, and without taking his gaze away, Karma answers.  
  
Nagisa is amazed once again, at how easily answers come to Karma. He knows that he works hard in studying, but he knows that even without studying, he'd get a score that was higher than him every time.  
  
He's accepted it, but he can't deny that he isn't a little bit envious.  
  
He's starting to squirm under Karma's gaze, and starts when a paper flies on top of his desk.  
  
Quickly, he snatches it, and skims the contents of the paper before stuffing it into his pocket.  
  
Countless times of passing notes has made him a quick reader, and made his reflexes faster. (Of course, assassination helps too.)  
  
The message repeats itself over and over in his mind.  
  
_Do you always tap your pens against the desk? It's cute.  
  
_ He wonders if Karma can see the light blush on his face from where he sits right now.  
  
-  
  
The letters don't actually stop.  
  
Karma tosses them haphazardly during classes, and Nagisa looks ridiculous, scrabbling around, trying to make sure that Koro-sensei doesn't notice. He makes up excuses that there was a fly, or that he thought he heard a loud noise.  
  
Whenever he looks back to glare at Karma, he's laughing at him, and he ends up just rolling his eyes, and looking back to the front.  
  
The messages don't make sense either.  
  
_Your hair looks nice.  
  
__Y ~~~~ou did great in PE today.  
  
__Was that a new move in assassination? Teach it to me.  
  
__Hey, did you know that in English, "kiru" means "kill"?  
  
__I'm bored, Nagisa-kun! Let's skip class._  
  
They're given at no particular time, in no particular order, and with no particular motive in mind.  
  
Nagisa supposes that they're exactly like Karma; unpredictable.  
  
But he never knows what to say to the messages and Karma never brings it up. Whenever they meet up for lunch, it's always a different topic, and Nagisa never has the chance to ask Karma about the messages.  
  
He doesn't know whether to take them seriously or not, but he doesn't want to treat them as something ridiculous.  
  
He knows that Karma's usually serious, he just uses different ways to get it across.  
  
So Nagisa keeps the messages, not knowing what else to do.  
  
He answers whatever questions Karma has, and he asks questions of his own, not taking offence when Karma doesn't answer them directly.  
  
It's an old game between them, Nagisa asking something, and Karma saying something which would be an indirect answer to it, and the trick was finding out the real truth. Nagisa doesn't mind, it practices his mental skills, and it's fun.  
  
Of course sometimes it's a little bit frustrating, but Karma can usually sense whenever Nagisa feels like this, and he wisely keeps his answers direct to the point, or calms Nagisa down first.  
  
Right now, Nagisa's just a little bit irritated from the day's events. They've gotten no closer to killing Koro-sensei, and Math is hurting his head again, and Kayano keeps asking his opinion on stuff, and paper planes keep hitting him, and he doesn't want to play games.  
  
"Why do you keep sending me messages?" He finally asks.  
  
Karma stops, mid-sentence, talking about a video game he'd just tried out.  
  
"Do you read all of them?" He asks.  
  
Nagisa nods.  
  
"What do you think of them?" Karma asks.   
  
"I think you're trying to tell me something, but I can't figure it out." Nagisa admits.  
  
Karma nods. "Well, I am trying to tell you something, but I can wait for you to figure it out. I don't want to rush you."  
  
"But what if I never get it?" Nagisa asks, frustrated.  
  
"That won't happen. You're too observant for that." Karma says, looking at him.  
  
It's a soft gaze, and Nagisa's never seen it on Karma's face before. It's softer than his usual looks, and Nagisa doesn't know how to deal with this one.  
  
"O-ok." He stutters, and Karma's smiling again. "Great."  
  
-  
  
It's been a few weeks since then, and Nagisa is getting even more confused.  
  
A few days back, Karma stopped confining the messages in writing. He's started inserting random things into their conversation, beginning with, "Did you know that red and blue makes purple?" and continuing with, "English was easy today."  
  
There are inconsistencies in Karma's speech, and Nagisa tries to keep track of all of them, but sometimes it's as if Karma himself has forgotten what he was talking about.  
  
During these times, he'd simply smile, and shrug. "Well, I've forgotten what I talked about. You say something, Nagisa-kun."  
  
And Nagisa would say something, usually about his day, about school, about assassination techniques he wants to try out, and the day ends without them going anywhere.   
  
Each time, before they would head in, Karma would ask him if he understood the messages yet, and Nagisa would shake his head.  
  
Each time, Karma would either smile or pat him on the head, and Nagisa would be left feeling even more confused.  
  
He knows that there's something he should know, and he knows that it should be obvious to him, but he can't place it right away.   
  
He knows that Karma told him to be patient, but he has a feeling that this is something that would work out better with time and understanding.  
  
The problem is, he probably doesn't have time for both.  
  
In some insane way, he's scared that if he doesn't figure it out, Karma will leave him.   
  
Technically, he wouldn't, because they still have to kill Koro-sensei, but he's scared that maybe Karma will get tired of him and stop hanging out with him.  
  
Again.   
  
He thinks he could probably survive it, he's gone through worse, but he's pretty sure it would hurt.  
  
It would hurt a lot.  
  
He knows that he has more friends now, and he knows that Sugino and Kayano and Nakamura probably won't leave him, but his relationship with Karma is different.  
  
They've known each other longer and they have more common interests, and Karma knows all about Naigsa's family. He's comforted him numerous times, and Nagisa thought that he understood what it felt like, to be someone you weren't.  
  
So it's no wonder that he doesn't want to let him go.  
  
-  
  
It bothers Nagisa how much he needs Karma.   
  
He wants to make himself move on from these doubts, but they keep plaguing him. He keeps thinking about how different Karma would be from now, if he ever did something wrong. How Karma's easy going laugh could just as quickly turn into something derisive and mocking. How Karma's smirk could turn into a weapon, and how Karma's jokes could turn into something hurtful.  
  
Nagisa trusts Karma, but he doesn't want to depend on him.  
  
He wants to show him that he can do things independently, but still have Karma by his side.  
  
He wants him to be there, to see him just as something goes right.  
  
Because then he'd be able to prove to Karma that he's worth something.  
  
He wants to be with Karma, he wants him to never leave, he wants to mean something to Karma.   
  
The problem with friends, he decides, is that they can leave at any time, because they're not obligated to stay.  
  
He voices this out loud to Kayano one time, and she gets this funny look on her face. "Then why not make it something permanent?"  
  
Nagisa looks at her, confused. "Huh?"  
  
"You don't want this specific person to leave right? Then why not just tell them that you want to be more than friends?" Kayano suggests.  
  
Nagisa's face reddens. "What, like lovers?"  
  
"Yeah. I mean, usually when people form friendships, more than half of them usually don't stay together in the long run. There are only a few people you can only call your true friends. It doesn't really bother most people, but when you start to feel like you can't live without this person, it's usually either because you've known each other for a long time, or because you want something more." Kayano says.  
  
"How do I know which one it is?" Nagisa asks.  
  
Kayano smiles softly. "I think you just know, Nagisa. I can't tell you how, but for me, it's more of a pressing need, a wish to prove something to that person, to have their attention, and it's the fact that simply being with them makes you so happy you can't even explain it."   
  
Nagisa stops. That's exactly how he feels about Karma.   
  
Suddenly he's freaking out, because how can he be in love with Karma? He doesn't mind the fact that he's a guy, but what if he's just making assumptions? He could just be desperate, wanting someone he'll never have.  
  
But maybe he could have him?  
  
Nagisa's eyes widen.   
  
The messages. The way Karma stares. The way it seems as if he wants to say something but quickly changes the subject before he can. The way Karma sometimes reaches out to simply touch Nagisa's hair ever so gently. The way Karma always seems a little bit too close, but still so far away. The way Karma seems to tease him more and more lately. The way Karma hates helping people, but always seems to hover around Nagisa when he's having difficulty understanding something. The small smiles Karma sometimes sends him. The way Karma's jokes always seems like something more.   
  
It makes sense.  
  
It makes so much sense, how could he not have noticed this sooner?  
  
Suddenly, there's a hand on his arm, and Kayano is smiling gently at him. "It's going to be ok."  
  
Nagisa takes a second before answering.  
  
"Ok." He breathes.  
  
Kayano smiles. "Go talk to that person later, ok? Promise me."  
  
Nagisa stares at her, then at her hand on his arm. He remembers what Karma and Nakamura were joking about earlier, but now he thinks that it isn't a joke anymore.  
  
"Kayano. Thank you. I couldn't have understood it without you." Nagisa says, sincerely.  
  
Kayano blushes slightly. "I'm sure you would have. You're really observant."  
  
 _Except when it comes to feelings concerning me,_ Nagisa thinks.  
  
"If... if you ever have problems, tell me alright? And I'll be there for you. I'm sorry I couldn't be here more." Nagisa says, and he thinks that there's a double meaning to his words.  
  
He can see Kayano's smile turn softer. "Of course. Don't worry, you've been here more times than I deserve."   
  
He thinks she can understand, see it in the way her hand starts to waver, and he quickly puts his hand over hers. "Thank you, Kayano."  
  
"Any time." Kayano says, and she means it.  
  
-  
  
Karma's waiting for him outside, beneath a tree.  
  
"Read to me?" He asks, holding out a new book.  
  
Nagisa hesitates. Then he nods. "Alright."  
  
He starts reading, and a few minutes in, he notices Karma staring.   
  
It doesn't bother him as much as it would have, before. Now, it makes him feel a little more self-conscious, and he's hoping that he doesn't stumble over the words.  
  
Finally, the first chapter is finished, and Nagisa's heart is beating faster than ever.   
  
He starts when he feels Karma shift, and shivers when he feels Karma's warm breath next to his ear.  
  
"You look nervous." Karma whispers.  
  
"Do I? Must be because I am." Nagisa replies.  
  
"What are you nervous about?" Karma asks, pulling back slightly to stare at him.  
  
Nagisa keeps his eyes on the page. "You."  
  
There's a moment of silence, and Nagisa's pretty sure that his heart is trying to escape his chest.  
  
Then, two long slender fingers reach down, and tilt his chin upwards. Nagisa's azure eyes are now staring into Karma's mercury ones.   
  
"What about me?" Karma asks, and it sounds as if he's hurt.  
  
"I'm not nervous because of your personality, if that's what you're worried about. I'm used to that." Nagisa quickly reassures him.  
  
Karma blinks, then nods. "Ok. Then, why?"  
  
"I'm afraid of losing you." Nagisa says, simply. "I think I need you quite a bit, and I'm not sure if it's just because we've known each other for a long time, or because I understand you, but whatever the reason, I want to be beside you. I'm scared that you'll leave me, because you've already done it once, and I'm sorry if I'm so unremarkable that I might seem like nothing to you, but I like you. I like you, and I don't want to ruin our friendship, so it's ok if you don't feel the same way, as long as you don't leave. I might sound needy, but please." Nagisa says, and he says everything with such sincerity and such honest, with no trace of self-pity at all, that he surprised himself.  
  
"What if I told you that I'm scared about losing you too?" Karma says, seriously. "I left once because I didn't know how to deal with you, because you were so sweet, but it felt like you had something so dangerous inside of you. I didn't understand it, so I avoided it. I avoided you. I didn't leave you because I was tired of you. I left because I was scared that I could never help you in the way that you needed me. I didn't think that I was up to it."  
  
"What changed?" Nagisa asks, because obviously, something has.  
  
"I told myself that even if I couldn't save you, at least I tried." Karma says, shrugging.  
   
"Oh." Nagisa says, disappointed.  
  
Karma does't say anything for a while, and then he sighs. "You know, it's ok to talk when you're feeling lonely."  
  
"Huh?" Nagisa asks.  
  
"You always hide your feelings, and some of the time I can't even tell what you're thinking. But sometimes I can sense that you feel sad, and then I don't know why and I can't seem to do anything about it. You always seem to solve your problems on your own, that's why I'm not always with you. You don't need me." Karma says, and Nagisa raises an eyebrow.  
  
"Why do you get to decide what I want?" Nagisa demands.  
  
"I don't. I just don't think I'm good enough for you. It's hard for me to show affection, it's difficult for me to know what you're feeling and how to deal with it, and most of the time I don't even do anything. I'm violent and probably mentally unstable. Why do you even hang out with me?" Karma asks, annoyed.  
  
Nagisa gapes, and then he rolls his eyes. "I hang out with you because you're violent and mentally unstable. Also because those things don't bother me, because I know that you're actually pretty generous and observant. You're tactful, and you know just what to say to get people to like you, or dislike you. Also because I like you. A lot."  
  
It's Karma's turn to gape. "Have you not been listening to what I said?"  
  
"Hey, you're the one who kept giving me messages!" Nagisa protests.  
  
Karma groans. "I did it because I also like you!"  
  
"Then what's the problem?" Nagisa asks.  
  
"The problem is that I'm not supposed to like you because I'm not a good person! I'm not a good person, and you are, and I don't want to hurt you more than I've already done!" Karma says, annoyed.  
  
"Too late for that. You know, your definition of "good" is different from mine. "Good" simply means doing the right thing with the right intentions, which leads to the right result. I'm making the decision of liking you, with the intention of being more stubborn than you, which leads to the result of being with you. Simple as that." Nagisa says, staring sternly at Karma.  
  
Karma holds his stare for a few minutes, then sighs, and throws his hands up in the air. "Alright! Alright, you're more stubborn than me, fine!"  
  
Nagisa grins.  
  
Karma rolls his eyes. "You're way too nice for your own good, you know?"  
  
"Maybe. But I wasn't lying when I said that I needed you." Nagisa says.  
  
Karma looks at him, and there's something in his eyes that makes his eyes look a little softer. "I didn't lie either. But I didn't tell you everything."  
  
"What else is there to say?" Nagisa asks.  
  
Karma pretends to tap his chin. "You're stubborn, and I have no idea how this will turn out."  
  
"Not a problem." Nagisa says.  
  
"I'm still going to tease you." Karma says.  
  
"That sentence could be better." Nagisa deadpans.   
  
"I'm not going to leave." Karma says.  
  
"Better." Nagisa says, smiling.   
  
Karma brings one of his hands forward to rest on Nagisa's shoulder, and the other one to rest lightly on the back of his neck. He draws Nagisa close, and they're hugging now.   
  
"I'm here." Karma says and it's the words Nagisa always wanted to hear "I'm here, it's ok, I'm here."  
  
"I know you are." Nagisa says softly.  
  
"We're going to make this work." Karma assures him.  
  
"I know we will." Nagisa says, laughing lightly.  
  
"I'm in love with you." Karma says, and Nagisa is grinning now, and his laughter is louder.  
  
"I'm in love with you too."  
  
-  
  
Nagisa isn't used to things being permanent. He isn't used to things working out.  
  
But the thing is, it's ok. He's got someone beside him to teach him how to trust and he's learning. That same person is also someone who thinks that he isn't a good match for Nagisa, because he thinks that he isn't a good person.  
  
Nagisa is determined to change his mind, just as Karma keeps on changing his.  
  
This will work.  
  
 _They_ will work.

They're going to be ok.  
  
He's got Karma.  
  
And this might not be perfect, because Karma can't read Nagisa all that well, and Nagisa will never stop comparing himself to Karma, but the thing is, he's never leaving him, which means that they're both going to stay.  
  
They're not going to let the other be alone again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Um, I actually don't know what I was thinking as I wrote this. I guess I wanted to show Nagisa's insecure side a bit more? I hope I portrayed the characters well here, Karma was a bit difficult, seeing as he doesn't really comfort Nagisa in the manga, but I also wanted to show him being slightly insecure and defensive. Thinking of himself as a "bad" person, and Nagisa as a "good" one.
> 
> Also, these two mess with my feelings so much, I can't take it.
> 
> I hope it was ok? Tell me what you think? =]


End file.
